


Yam Suf

by UlsPi



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Autistic Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has Chronic Pain (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Disabled Crowley (Good Omens), Explicit Sexual Content, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Israel, Jewish Character, Jewish Good Omens (Good Omens), M/M, Neuroqueer, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:41:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24163804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi
Summary: Dr Fell meets Dr Crowley. The former is a GP, the latter is a marine veterinarian. They have nothing whatsoever in common, but you bet they like each other, while the Arava desert is watching.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 124
Kudos: 83





	1. One I know

**Author's Note:**

> This here is inspired by many a thing. I'm as honest as it gets, and I'd love your feedback, but no politics is welcome here.

It might come as a surprise, but the city of Eilat does look like a place over the hills and far away, perhaps because it  _ is  _ over the mountains and far away, the utmost South of Israel, the place of pleasure, entertainment and timelessness, that is the lack of time, not the grandeur and eternity of say, Jerusalem. Time has no place in Eilat and the place has no time, other than Shabbat once every six days. It's not exactly beautiful, but neither is being tired, so people who come here tired need to just… let go, which they do in different ways. 

Among Eilat's many attractions there's the Eilat Underwater Observatory. 

When Israel Fell was a young man volunteering at the Herzog hospital in Jerusalem, he was called to calm down a very nervous man whose wife was in labour with their first child. Israel had a very good bedside manner even then, besides his Hebrew was good and his paramedical training, admirable. The man's name was Israel as well and he was an engineer. He had been working on the Eilat Underwater Observatory but his wife wanted to give birth closer to her family who lived in Jerusalem. Two Israels hit it off, and the British one managed to escort the local one back to his wife in time to show some support and hold her hand and encourage her all the way through. They remained friends, so when the British Israel complained about getting old and quite frustrated with his life in London, the Israeli one suggested aliyah.

We need to go backwards for a moment here. Israel Fell was born into an old Jewish family. His parents were far more pious than his sarcastic invincible grandfather who had survived Shoah and forbade his daughter to name her first (and only, as it would turn out) son  _ Azriel.  _

"My help is G-d? Really?" Isaac sneered and smirked. "Don't remember much help, to be honest. But who am I to talk? I'm a mad old Jew, right?"

The mad old Jew was a remarkable pediatrician, a father of a remarkable neonatologist and soon-to-be a grandfather of a boy who'd grow up to be a remarkable GP. 

"Papa, but… should we call him Isaac then?" Suggested Israel Fell's future father to his father-in-law. 

"That bugger was in trouble because of a mad old Jew. Really, Leib, he's not been born yet, if it's a he, and you already don't love him!"

"Daddy, what should we call him? I know it's a he. Only a total dick would kick me that much at night." Deborah looked at her belly with a mixture of love and frustration only a parent can manage.

"That's my daughter!" Said Isaac Fell affectionately (yes, he had taken the family name of his wife and he made sure Deborah's husband did the same). "Call him Israel. Let him wrestle with that angry, vengeful thing! I have a few choiciest words for her when I die!"

"Her?" Leib asked meekly.

"Her, him, who cares? I want me answers, alright, Leib? Call him Israel!" 

So they called him Israel, and he loved dada Isaac more than anyone else. The feeling was mutual. 

Dada Isaac introduced young Israel to Shoah far too early, but he himself was nine back then, and ninety as he talked to his grandson. 

Izzy grew up to love books and his family. 

"Izzy, if you're to make my mistakes and those of your mother, become a pathologist! Biopsies don't talk, Izzy, but they reveal much more than patients."

Izzy considered. He came to a conclusion that his grandfather knew better and did become a pathologist. He didn't like it. Dada Isaac had been long dead by then, but Izzy was a good grandson. He went to his dada's grave and explained that just as he loved books about families, he loved knowing his patients through generations. Such was his dream. 

By the age of fifty, he was loved, respected, sought out and absolutely lonely. 

Israel Fell was a beautiful man, but no man in his life told him so, that is no man Israel Fell cared for. His parents and his grandfather raged against such injustice but they were getting old and dying. 

So, if we get back to the beginning, when Israel from Israel suggested moving to Israel, Israel from London thought, why the hell not?

He was old, he had money, and Eilat would always welcome more physicians, so he brushed up on his Hebrew and passed the necessary exams. He bought a small house high in the mountains, far from everything and everyone, along with a big car to bring back to his small house his shopping from Eilat. He was hired by the clinic in the regional council of the Southern Arava and life seemed lovely. 

His house in Shacharut overlooked the mountains, and his terrace hung in the air over the slope. Neighbours weren't noisy, and the sunsets were overwhelming. No fancy colleagues told him he was soft or ate too much or cared far too much. His patients loved him, and he was genuinely interested in them. 

He'd love to have a lover, though.

He introduced himself as Ezra, because  _ helper  _ was exactly what he wanted to be.

After four years he still hadn't done several things. He hadn't visited the Eilat Underwater Observatory, he hadn't come to Israel's house for dinner, he hadn't found a lover. 

On the other hand he was now the head physician, and he had been dealing with old kibbutzniks and young kibbutzniks, volunteers like he used to be and foreign workers like he hoped to never see in his lifetime because it was unfair and cruel and harsh, and Ezra was soft. 

He went to the Eilat Underwater Observatory one Shabbat morning. Well, he drove there. He wasn't an observing Jew. He had a very angry Jew for a grandfather, and he couldn't blame him.

The hour was still early for families to bring their excited and curious offspring to look at the sharks, tortoises and other creatures of the sea, so Ezra took a long time to consider purchasing a club card and just visit anytime he wanted, with the local discount of course. He ended up buying it, although he wasn't sure he'd come often. He was a busy man, after all. 

With this in mind, he entered the nocturnal marine animals pavilion. 

It was dark, of course, and Israel Fell didn't like being left in the dark, so he walked forwards until he heard voices.

The voices came from two shadowy figures in front of yet another dimly lit aquarium.

"So, tell me the whole story again," said a taller figure.

"You know the story pretty well yourself,  _ doctor, _ " said a shorter figure.

"If you allow yourself to talk like this to me, then you'll repeat the whole damn story again,  _ Hastur. _ " The taller one shrugged.

The shorter figure, Hastur, roared and obliged.

"Alright. Green moray eel, previously owned by the nearby fish restaurant. The owner somehow couldn't kill them…"

"Them?"

"I'm not misgendering a moray eel! They change sexes, they do!"

"Good, Hastur. Very good. Keep going."

"So they came to us. It's been three weeks. The eel hasn't eaten. We've tried everything. I came here at night to feed them, for fuck's sake! Doesn't want to eat! You checked them for parasites and everything."

"Guess we have to do it again."

"I'll bring you your walking stick before you collapse here, you fucking invertebrate!"

"Not offended. Come on, you deserve the right to bring me the equipment!"

"Really?"

"Indeed. Fuck off. Bring the anaesthetic."

The shorter figure ran away, barely missing Ezra. 

Ezra himself was far too shocked by the Le Carre appearance of the whole interaction to move. Those two were lurking in the dark along with their eel.

The taller figure took out their phone.

"You miss that powerful poison, the human connection. Poor thing… that restaurant is quite good, I heard. You mistook all that cooing and shit for love. Can't blame you. Have done it myself all too often…" 

The taller figure fiddled on the phone, then the music began. 

"Come on, you silly bugger. Dance with me."

The figure took a step back and began swaying their hips in time with the music.

_ I'll never leave you behind _

_ Or treat you unkind _

_ I know you'll understand _

_ And with a tear in my eye _

_ Give me the sweetest goodbye _

_ That I'll ever do receive _

_ Pushing forward and _

_ Arching back _

_ Bring me closer _

_ To heart attack… _

The person kept dancing and the eel showed up, standing tall in the water in front of the person and swaying together with them.

_ Pushing forward _

_ And arching back _

_ Bring me closer to heart attack _

_ Say goodbye and then just fly away _

The person seemed to get lost to the music, but so was the eel. The person was swaying so peculiarly, they might have had no hips just like the eel.

"Feeling better?" The person asked, flirting. "Don't tell Hastur, just eat whatever he brings."

They swayed back, dancing and singing along.

_ So I can show you how I feel… _

The song ended, but the tall person put on a new one.

"He kept you, a non kosher fish, in his non kosher restaurant. I think a Christian song is just the right thing, isn't it?"

They raised their hands and swirled them in the air in an imitation of flames.

_ A Nuestra Señora _

_ válgame la madre santa _

_ válgame nuestra Señora _

_ nuestra señora me valga. _

The eel appeared hypnotized and swayed in the water like an underwater volcano or some other phenomena Ezra might have seen in a nature documentary, but never cared to pay attention to.

The person stopped abruptly and turned the music off. Hastur rushed past Ezra.

"Doc, I brought it!"

"Good. Now throw them some herring."

Hastur was so confused Ezra could see it in the dark, but he obliged anyway - and then the eel was happily munching on the food.

"You did something!" Hastur accused.

"Did nothing. The fish is good, I guess." 

"Crowley!"

"I mean it. Look at them! They are hungry and happy to eat. Make sure they get good food. I need to check on the sharks, you know. I'm here for the sharks."

The person, Crowley, limped away and past Ezra. 

Dr Fell left almost immediately. He felt confused and peculiar and too horny. 

Two weeks later he received a patient, whose file informed Dr Fell that he was suffering from chronic pain in his hips. Said patient took one look at Dr Fell, stood up and ran away. 

When Ezra tried following him, the clinic secretary, Nataly, was trying to suppress her laughter.

"Nataly, dear, where is that man…" Dr Fell began.

"He said he fancied you and wanted another physician." Nataly gave up and laughed out loud. "It's time someone made an honest man off Dr Crowley. He only ever cares about fish!"


	2. Two I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mention of a bombing and a suicide

They fell in love in high school. One was the resident weirdo of her class. The other was just a part of her class. Their parents were opposed of course, but the first said her sweetest goodbye to her love and moved to Israel, where she served in the army, volunteered on a kibbutz and met a female rabbi who guided her until she got her scholarship.

The second one waited for two years, told her parents to fuck off, went through an Orthodox conversion and joined her love in the promised land. 

They got married in Holland and were both ordained as conservative rabbas. 

They were both in their late thirties, when the second one cheated on her spouse and became pregnant. The first one said it was their child, and so the future Dr Crowley was born. The second one gave up trying to be a rabbi, while the first one became the icon of the conservative movement. 

They settled down in Jerusalem. The second, a loyal housewife and in time a magnificent translator, Steinsalz of the queer folk, stayed at home with Anthony Joseph and the first became the best rabbi the world could ever wish for. 

The school bus blew up, and Crowley ended up with his pelvis barely attached to the rest of him. The second cried her eyes out and killed herself. The first one smiled through her tears and told her recovering boy that they'd be very bad Jews indeed, had they allowed themselves to give up, so Crowley never gave up. He graduated the top of his class and went on to study veterinary. It wasn't enough, so he moved to Hiroshima to study marine biology and aquatic veterinary. 

"You've always been a stranger, darling boy," said his mother. "Remain strange, and if it hurts too much, come back to me."

Crowley did, once a year, a disabled queer Jewish boy. Top of his class naturally. Rabba Sara, his adoptive mother, mentioned him here and there, so securing the position of the resident _and_ head veterinarian in the Eilat Underwater Observatory was but a matter of time.

He rented a penthouse in Eilat, gave it up almost immediately in order to move to Shacharut.

"No one ever bothers you," he explained to his mother. 

"Have I had you checked for ASD, my son?" Rabba Sara asked.

"You have, mother. They said it was PTSD." 

"Well, obviously. You're autistic, my son. I'll burn the world for you."

It was the kind of promise Crowley would never challenge. He'd work hard, he'd save stranded dolphins and old octopi. He'd be the best friend to each and every tortoise in his care. He'd drive his vintage Bentley back to Shacharut and sit on his terrace looking at the sun slowly getting down behind the Red mountains and chewing on the cheese sticks and fish fingers. 

"No, don't feel guilty. These fish are from farms. Not breaking anything."

"Oh fuck those fish farms, my son. I want you happy."

"I'm a child of cheating. Should I be happy?"

"Yes, my son, you should. You must. Your mother, your biological mother was happy making you, so you _must_ be happy."

"I don't think I know how."

"Give it time, my son. Give it time."

And so Dr Crowley gave it time. He kept giving it time until he made an appointment in the local clinic and faced the man who had watched him dancing with an eel. 

"I need another physician!" He told Nataly.

"But he's the best! You've always wanted the best!"

"I fancy him! Want to take him out and snog him, ok?"

"Totally ok! He's gay!"

"Whatever. Another doctor. Now." Dr Crowley ran away. Nataly had never felt so important in her life.

"Shacharut? Nataly, you and I live there…"

"And so does he! Far from anyone else! The person who built his house couldn't stand the sight of a work complete, so he went mad, and Dr Crowley rented his place from his kids. I mean, from the kids of that mad man who abandoned his projects the moment the roof had to be put on. He treated my daughter's scorpion. And our dog. And many a cat… he's a good man, really. Just prefers fish to everyone else. You can buy him with a can of baked beans and a quote from Talmud," Nataly supplied helpfully. 

That same evening Nataly knocked on Dr Crowley's door.

"I told you," he began as he opened the door, but Nataly shoved ten cans of Heinz baked beans into his hands. "Ok, thank you. Why?"

"You ran away from Dr Fell! He might have helped you!"

"Ok… Do beans have anything to do with it?"

"Well… my dog has diarrhea."

"It's worms, Nataly! I told you… oh, whatever." He walked back into his house to put the beans into the fridge and returned with his super bag of veterinary miracles. "Lead on!" He commanded. The sun painted everything pink and Nataly was Dr Fell's neighbour, so while Dr Crowley rolled in the dust with Nataly's dog, Nataly called Dr Fell. Noam, Nataly's daughter, rolled her eyes but pretended to be unwell indeed. 

Dr Fell rushed to Noam's help only to find Dr Crowley sticking his fingers into Nataly's dog's anus to take a sample. "Shut up! You eat shit! I don't! So my mother doesn't send me to a doctor! Relax and let me take a sample! I have a microscope at home, so I'll check it… just stop it! I don't like you either!"

"Your daughter is alright," said Dr Fell automatically as he watched Dr Crowley rolling in the deep (and dust) with Nataly's dog.

"Oh, thank you!" Said Nataly. 

"Oh, fucking thank you!" Said Dr Crowley spreading a sample over a test. "Nataly, your dog is a menace, and I hate her!" He said standing up with a broad smile on his face. "Can I take her out for a walk? I stuck my hand up her arse, it's the least I can do!"

Dr Fell dropped his kit and looked at Dr Crowley with his mouth agape.

"Oh, hello, Dr Fell, I fancy you!" Dr Crowley said and was swept off his feet by Nataly's dog and Noam. They ran into the strawberry coloured sunset and returned with an injured venomous snake.

"What sort of an idiot would harm a venomous snake?" Dr Crowley inquired as he vaccinated the venomous snake while thinking of a perfect excuse for wasting his vaccines. "You'd better be a rare snake, you… bastard!" 

Noam went to bed, as did Nataly, while Dr Crowley read Joyce to the snake all through the night.

Dr Fell had imagined many a nightmare, but none of them featured a handsome redhead reciting Joyce through the night as if he had known Dr Fell's soul.

When Dr Fell gave up on trying to fall asleep, Dr Crowley grumped his way to his car. 

"They can't pull out a dead calf! Bastards! I work with aquatic animals, and cows are not aquatic…"


	3. Three I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Among other things Crowley remembers the bombing that left him with a saunter, and he experiences a panic attack. Stay safe.  
> All songs are by Franz Ferdinand

"They mustn't invite me!" Crowley yelled at his intern Anathema. "I'm not in the Sion, I don't like working with cows!"

"Why did they invite you then? Yes, because you're the best," Anathema replied.

"So what? So what? I'm the best with marine animals, aquatic! If they don't teach their cows to swim, I don't want to be involved with them!"

"Crowley, I saw your credentials, that's why I work with you. They knew you'd do it well. Also, it might be a form of bulling. Like, if you're so clever, you'll do everything. Why did you agree?"

"I'm a doctor, Device, and I can do it." Crowley winced.

"How was your appointment, by the way? Any closer to medical marijuana?"

"Device, I've been smoking _medical marijuana_ for years now. I wanted to see the new GP everyone is talking about, thought maybe he knows… something else."

"Crowley you read everything there is about chronic pain. I think you can safely say that you know better."

"What is it today, Device? Why are you being so kind and flattering?"

"I talked to Nataly."

"Oh fuck!" Crowley rushed out of his office to check on the octopi. He brought them some Rubik's cubes.

The octopi keeper, Bea was lovingly looking at Peach, an octopus cyanea, who was working on opening a can of crabs. 

"She's so good," Bea whispered to Crowley without turning their head.

"She is!" Crowley whispered back. "I brought them new toys. I need to check on Peach, though, so you know what to do," he continued in whisper.

"Is she sick? You're sure?"

"No, I'm just checking for parasites. You told me yourself she was a bit restless and ate less, and she's not exactly young."

Peach abandoned her can and turned towards her carers who immediately crouched on the floor and returned to whispering. 

"You're bothering her!" Bea hissed.

"I'm not! Take the fucking toys and off you go. Don't forget to bring her to me," Crowley hissed back and slowly and carefully crouched out.

The day went on, with Peach receiving her check-up and an old tortoise by the name of Tortuga receiving his vitamins and calcium. Crowley vaccinated the sharks, swimming by Ligur, the sharks' keeper, and then complaining about the water being far too wet for his taste. Before long it was four o'clock, so Crowley drove his car to the supermarket for more finger food and maybe some wicked treat like frozen berries that Crowley ate like candy. Skittles were good too. 

Anyway, isle after isle Crowley was dutifully filling his trolley with fresh fruit and vegetables, ten different kinds of cheese, cut just so and packaged just as requested (it really helped that the workers knew him and stopped huffing about his instructions), some wine, a lot of ginger ale and ice tea, frozen berries, more frozen berries, fish fingers, lentils, lentils, lentils, beans skipped (thanks to Nataly)... Crowley moved towards the cashier's and daydreamed about the parasites he did find in Peach. They were dicyemida, an entire phylum existing just in cephalopods' renal sacks, and they were glorious and harmless. Heck, they might be even beneficial! Besides, Crowley was almost sure he had discovered yet another species of that handsome bastard of a parasite…

Crowley did his eel dance moves singing along to the song in his headphones.

_It looks so clean_

_But I can see the crawling_

_Crawling creatures_

The crescendo was indecent for an indie rock band, but oh, Crowley loved a good crescendo. There was a blond man before him in the queue, and Crowley didn't mind queueing, if it meant he got to chat with an old cashier who looked like captain Ahab and was actually called Israel. 

Crowley rewinded the song and kept dancing.

_I have the evil eye_

_I, I, I see your soul_

He might have sung aloud because the blond man turned around and out to be Dr Fell.

_Some people put an evil eye on me_

Crowley straightened up and pretended to be very interested in his trolley.

_Crawling crawling creatures_

And so much pain. 

The problem with marijuana was that Crowley forgot about it, like he had forgotten every other medication.

And the bus flew in all directions at once before his eyes, so Crowley only wanted to be at home or vaccinating the sharks, because he never limped in water, however wet it was.

He tried breathing in and out, deeply, and thinking about dicyemida and an article he had written in his head, but the bits of the bus kept flying, and his legs went somewhere and Olga, or Ruth, as she was called after her conversion, was nowhere to be seen, but she never had been, really, and Sara caressed his face and told him he was _such a brave boy_ , and Crowley absolutely couldn't breathe.

The items in his cart began to disappear, so he made a protesting noise but stopped himself, because Dr Fell, with his beautiful pale white mixed with silver white hair and astonishing blue eyes and the kindest face, was having a chat with captain Ahab, nay Israel, who was explaining to Dr Fell that Dr Crowley had survived a terrible attack on his school bus and was a dear, really. Dr Fell smiled and nodded. He pulled Crowley's cart forward and Crowley absent-mindedly pulled out his credit card, but as he did, he realised he was in the middle of the parking lot and that Dr Fell was loading his shopping into his car. 

Then there was a warm, clever hand on Crowley's cheek. It crossed his mind that he'd rather have this hand up his bum, but… oh what the fuck? 

"Dear boy, where is your car? You're in no condition to drive. Do you have a tow cable?"

"No," Crowley replied dumbly. Why didn't he?

"It's alright, I have one. Where is your car?"

Crowley took a good look around and pointed at his Bentley.

"What a beauty, my dear! Please, get into my car, I'll take care of the rest."

"No, no, no, I live far… and you…"

"I live in Shacharut too, remember, dear boy?" Clever hands pushed Crowley inside Dr Fell's car, an old Renault Kangoo.

He sat and looked ahead without seeing anything but blood and pain and maybe some friendly parasites living in the urine of octopi. He and Bea cooed over them.

"Your car is behind mine, dear boy. I'm driving through the 40 highway, you know. I like… how dark it is," Dr Fell finished, eyes intently looking at the indeed very dark road.

"The bus flew away," Dr Crowley informed. "It just… flew away in pieces, and my legs remained with me but the angle was terrible. Mom killed herself, but my mother, she stayed with me. Dragged me through so much physiotherapy, I can't look at the word _physiotherapy_ without wincing. She fought them all, you know? She promised she'd burn the world for me. She got me marijuana. Visited me in Hiroshima… Adonai is on my side, because she's fighting for me, as if I had been precious and rare, like a fucking blue whale. Olga cheated on her. That's how I was born…" Crowley returned to himself. He was looking at his house, and Dr Fell was looking at him. 

"I'm so very sorry, Ezra. I didn't mean to. I didn't know what I was saying, but I know now. It's good I live so far from you, isn't it?" Crowley stepped out of the car and walked to retrieve his bags, but Ezra was already there handing them to Crowley.

"Take care, dear boy. Perhaps you should make another appointment. I could help you with getting one with a psychiatrist faster than…"

"I can't let you help me." Dr Crowley shook his head. "I want to take you out for dinner. Lunch. Breakfast. Meal. Can't be your patient. Even if you don't want anything to do with me. I know I look very fuckable, but you're a smart man. You know that I saunter because I hardly feel my pelvis and when I do, it mostly hurts… Thank you. I'm sorry." He nodded and walked to his house. 


	4. Four I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They walk in the dark and bone.

The nighttime had always been calming and Crowley had noticed a long time ago that once it was dark, once everyone went to bed, nothing dared mixing up with the sounds of the night, with crickets and other nocturnal animals, with the shuffling of the trees when the wind touched upon them. 

How lovely it was to walk out when everyone else was asleep! Even in Shacharut, where each neighbour was far from another, it felt good to know that everyone was asleep while Crowley wasn't, although with all its independence and suchlike, Dr Fell could still apparently hear Crowley reading Joyce to a venomous snake, who was safe now, along with Nataly, Noam and Dr Fell himself. 

Crowley thought of those night moments as the true adulthood. He'd get up and dressed, he'd walk out with a bottle of ice cold water, he'd go somewhere where no one would go at night. He knew the animals, he knew the plants, he dressed appropriately, he wanted to be where nobody would go, and sometimes during those walks, he'd hear something. 

It wouldn't be a car or a sleepless donkey, no, it would be some wicked, enchanted call of the night, of something primordial, something that spoke to Crowley alone - not because Crowley was special, but because Crowley was there to hear it. This call, it would have been there regardless of whether anyone would be nearby to hear it, and Crowley considered it an honour to follow this call, especially on nights like that, when it seemed that everything was testing him. 

He walked around Shacharut and ended up next to Ezra's house. The call grew stronger, more wistful, more demanding, and Crowley stood his ground and refused to listen, for the first time in his life. 

Crowley had once read that life itself might have been the result of sync of several molecules. He had read in the same book that consciousness might have been the product of several neurons' sync. He felt as if he had just become alive and, simultaneously, obtained consciousness. He wouldn't do it, wouldn't creep around Ezra's house, wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't. 

He turned on his heels and walked past Nataly's house, a few other houses, the bus stop, a small farm with several lovely donkeys, two mares and a very serious camel, then straight into the desert. 

There was a tricky balance here - to look forward  _ and  _ under his feet. Perhaps he had to take one of the horses… He only enjoyed riding when it was jockey-style, standing up and bending forwards.  _ Too dangerous, not in the dark, unfair to the animal. _

Through nights like this, he'd toss and turn and find no rest, but maybe, had he Ezra in his arms, he'd will himself to stay still. He got himself headfirst into such ancient yearning, into some different time, where hours were centuries, slow time, honey time, dense time, and in that different time he'd been longing for a beautiful man some fifteen years older than himself, another doctor, someone who watched him dancing with an eel… Crowley knew, he knew Ezra was there, although he hadn't noticed him, couldn't hear the soft, rustling premonition behind his back, because then was morning, and now was night, the innumerable day of his life. 

That same premonition haunted him when he was reading to the injured snake. 

"I can hear him be," Crowley whispered into the dark and sat on a rock. "Especially if it's night, but tonight it's something special… such nights make prophets and poets."

A worrying light hopped into his vision, and Crowley winced shielding his eyes. Soft and rustling, stone-turning but still gentle steps came along with the light. Crowley felt the hair on his neck rise. 

"My dear boy, what are you doing here at this hour?" Said Ezra.

"Could ask you the same," Crowley replied breathlessly.

"Well, if you must know, I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a walk."

Crowley turned to the doctor, ignoring the painful light from Ezra's torch. "You can't walk here at night, if you don't know the place well. Even with light. It's dangerous."

Ezra didn't answer. 

"I wonder if you can hear it too," Crowley said after a few moments of narrow silence.

"Hear what, my dear?" Ezra took a few steps closer to Crowley.

"The rustling… as if someone is reading a book and comes by a page where I'm mentioned next to you, but before that reader I didn't know we were mentioned together… I sat on a shelf for so long, drowsy and wicked…"

The rustling grew louder, then Crowley was softly raised to his feet and kissed. He was numb for a moment, but the next he held onto Ezra's hair for dear life.

"Do words do that?" Crowley asked sincerely when Ezra's lips moved to his ear.

"When properly read. I hear it now… I know it now."

"You should. It's beautiful… it's string theory, vibration caused by some mischievous and powerful hand… I'd love your hands on me."

"And you do look like a string," Ezra whispered hotly. He laced his fingers through Crowley's. "Take me home, my dear. I won't find a way back without you."

"I'd help you without kissing, Ezra," Crowley replied but kissed Ezra's temple anyway.

"No, no, no, speak us. You know I wouldn't find a way without you."

They walked back holding hands, in quiet understanding that was just on time and just in time. Ezra pulled Crowley with him through the door.

"What do you want? How do you want? Do you want anything at all?" Ezra framed Crowley's face and let out a chuckle that was far too self-conscious for Crowley's liking. 

"You're fucking beautiful," Crowley said. "You're so fucking beautiful, I can't even… Look," he took Ezra's hands and brought them to his lips. "I'm 38, I'm a bloody virgin, and I have no idea what my pelvis is capable of, but… the way it feels, the way… the way…"

"Want you inside me, my sweet darling."

"Yes. Yes. That." 

Ezra walked backwards towards his bedroom, tugging Crowley along with him. 

"Can I undress you?" Ezra asked.

"Yes, sure. Just… don't be scared. Good it's dark, ok?"

Ezra didn't hear a word after Crowley's yes, but when his hands touched Crowley's hips, he sensed something was… strange.

"That's what I meant," Crowley whispered, far too self-conscious for Ezra's liking. "Scars. Everywhere… not everywhere, but there, everywhere…" Crowley yelped as Ezra lifted him and put him on the bed. 

"May I kiss you here? May I kiss your scars?"

"They are not… tasty. They are disgusting."

"You. They are you. That's the word that you are, next to me, on the same page of a forgotten book." Ezra licked the longest scar and kissed every trace of a stitch. Those licks and kisses went up, up, up, until Ezra's lips were on Crowley's.

"I'm a weirdo," Crowley explained somewhat unnecessarily. 

"And I'm old. Maybe too old for you."

There was silence, and Ezra thought he had said something wrong, until Crowley grabbed his shoulders and turned them over, pushing Ezra's hips into the bed. "Bless me!" Crowley hissed. Ezra laughed and held Crowley's hips tightly. 

"Like that?"

"Yes. Wrestle with me through the night and bless me!" Crowley demanded. 

"Funny thing, my dear boy, my name  _ is  _ Israel." Ezra laughed pushing his palms into Crowley's back. "And you're so unyielding…"

It got hazy after that, but Crowley thankfully remembered clearly as he thrusted into Ezra from behind, spooning him and pressing his nose into Ezra's temple. Crowley held him fast, fingers digging into the silky, creamy softness of Ezra's body, and his other hand slithered under Ezra's neck to press him yet closer to Crowley, pushing into a round shoulder.

Ezra asked him to touch his cock, and Crowley obliged, although it turned out to be unnecessary, but Ezra loved the idea.

Crowley stayed inside through the aftershocks, until he turned soft and just slipped out of Ezra without any effort on Crowley's part.

"Can I… can I eat you out? I don't know why. Just want to remain close. Can I?"

Ezra nodded, yet he didn't let Crowley do anything before a long and sweet kiss. 

"This is a very strange practice…" Crowley mumbled into Ezra's arse. "But it's very… it's very intimate. I like it. With you."

They woke up at sunrise. 

"Morning, angel," Crowley greeted serenely. 

"Angel?"

"You wrestled with me through the night, and blessed me."

"Did I?"

"You did. You thoroughly blessed me." Crowley held the older man closer and licked up his neck. "What is it to you?"

"The real thing," Ezra answered, struggling for breath as Crowley ghosted his lips over Ezra's temple.

It was still very early, when Crowley took Ezra back to his house. "I'll make you a smoothie, ok? Raspberry, blueberry, blackberry, cherry, kiwi, banana, ice tea, chia seeds and date honey."

"You're date honey," Ezra replied, looking at Crowley from across the table. 

"You're blueberry," Crowley countered, absolutely serious. Once the smoothies were ready, Crowley walked Ezra out on his terrace, the whole valley beneath them and the air so clear, they could make out the last cows coming in for the milking in Yotvata. 

"I'm not fishing for compliments or anything, I just genuinely don't remember how… how I opened you. Did I hurt you?" Crowley asked. He had a purple moustache after taking a sip of his smoothie. Ezra laughed and licked it off Crowley's lips. 

"You were lovely," Ezra said into Crowley's mouth. "You were tender and gentle. A bit too fast, but it's…" He paled.

"Angel? What is it? Are you alright?"

Ezra searched Crowley's face and decided to hint. "I'm finishing at seven."

"Oh… ok… I'm very bad at theory of mind and all that, so… I'll try. So… you're finishing at seven, and I… I'm usually done at five. I… what would you like for dinner? I can make it and pick you up from the clinic? I could drive you there, too."

"Oh my sweet boy…" Ezra embraced Crowley. "You know more about anything than most people. Do you still hear it? The rustling?"

"A bit less. It's morning after all. I hear well when it's dark. So… ehm… good plan?"

"Perfect. I have salmon back at mine. I won't lock the door. Never lock it actually. Do you think you could make it?"

"Sure! Yeah, salmon. With mashed potatoes." Crowley nodded enthusiastically. "So… it's a date?"

"Yes, my dear, it is." Ezra downed his smoothie to hide the fact he was crying.


	5. Five I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of sex

Dr Fell crawled out of his office at half past eight. It was getting darker and he spotted a Bentley waiting for him. 

Nataly was standing by the door.

"Sweet Dr Crowley picked up Noam, and they are waiting for us. I mean, for you. I'm taking Noam with me in my car, because you guys are indecent!" Nataly laughed out loud.

"My dear, I think you shouldn't talk so much about men. Really, I'm sure there must be other parts of your life…"

"I'm talking about two gay men, one of which is my neighbour, so I'm good." Nataly walked out of the clinic, took her daughter out of Crowley's car and shoved her into her Nissan Micra. Crowley kept drumming on the steering wheel, so Dr Fell took a deep breath and went straight for the Bentley. He barely opened his mouth, when Crowley said:

"So sorry you had a long and hard day. I've missed you. I've named a new species of dicyemida after you, if it's any consolation. There's a thunderstorm coming. I'd love to fuck you again, but if you're too sore, I'm ok with anything else. Just missed you so damn much." Crowley started the car. "I baked salmon and made mashed potatoes, and there's salad and some white wine cooling in your fridge. How are you?"

Dr Fell wanted to give Crowley a hug or to kiss him or to suck him off right there, but instead he put his hand on Crowley's knee. "I had a long and hard day indeed. I missed you too. I want you to fuck me again, my darling boy. Take me home. Won't find my way without you."

Crowley smiled like a thousand suns, his eyes firmly on the road. 

"How was your day, my sweetheart?"

"Oh, it was alright. One of the turtles swallowed a coin a tourist had thrown, despite numerous signs warning against it. Started her on an antibiotic, and I sincerely hope she'll be ok. One of Ligur's sharks is pregnant. It's never happened in our observatory, so we're very excited… she lays eggs, I mean mermaid's pouches. It would be lovely to observe, you know, the whole cycle. I only ever saw such a thing in Hiroshima when I studied there. Will you… Would you like to… to at least try and open me? I want your… fingers in me. Just the fingers so far, I'm sorry…"

"Stop the car," Ezra demanded. Crowley did so, and the next moment he had a lapful of Dr Fell kissing him and stroking him through his pants. "You're perfect for me. Tonight, when we eat, I'd love us to shower together. I want to see you in the light. Want to read you… I…" Ezra stopped himself. 

"Yes, angel? What is it?"

"I find you so impossibly beautiful… And if I had my way with this stupid world, I'd…" He stopped again.

"Angel… correct me, if I'm wrong… would you… do you love me?"

"I don't!" Ezra lied. 

"Pity," Crowley said wisely. "It is such a pity, because I loved you the moment I could hear that rustling… when you saw me with that eel. It'll be our secret, angel. Won't tell anyone you love the fucking nightmare that I am…" He didn't wait for Ezra to return to his seat and just started the car. 

Ezra climbed back to his seat and was silent for the rest of the drive. The food was delicious, and then Crowley was in his shower, his scars on display.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful," Ezra whispered sinking to his knees. "May I suck you off, my dear?"

Crowley just nodded. His fingers found their way into Ezra's yellow and silver white curls, as Ezra caressed his hole before pushing inside, gentle, oh so gentle. 

"Ah… oh… oh this is lovely, so lovely, so kind… you've lied to me, but it's alright. Love your fingers in me. Add another one… oh… yesssssss, yes… so handsome, so beautiful. Don't finish me, angel, want to fuck you still… or should I chase you across the desert? Fuck, how good you are!" He pressed his head into the shower wall, dissolving into breathless consonants. 

Ezra slowly rose to his feet and Crowley stared at him, dazed. 

"I didn't lie to you. I can't say it, not yet."

"Then you should have told me this, not what you actually said." Crowley replied softly. "Come, angel, let's wash ourselves, or we'll run out of water… do you want me to leave?"

"No!" 

"Good. I don't want to go."

  
  


"I'm so old for you," Ezra swore when Crowley slid into him, from behind, spooning him, cradling him, just like the night before.

"You're so right for me," Crowley replied, thrusting inside Ezra. "So good to me… so tight and welcoming…" His palm gently guided Ezra's head to rest on his shoulder and press their cheeks together.

The sheets under them rustled as they rocked together, and the wind rustled outside playing with sand and trees. 

"Kiss me."

Crowley turned his head pushing Aziraphale's up and kissed him. His lips were dry, so the first touch came out a bit rustling too. Crowley was sure he had been hearing this rustling, vibrating sound his entire life, but it didn't seem to come from memory, more of a retrospective, of sudden knowledge of patterns and symbols and signs and premonitions. 

"No, you can't stop kissing me."

"I'm afraid I need to breathe, angel."

"No, you don't."

"Alright, I don't," Crowley agreed.

"If you can't breathe, it's easier to wrestle you."

"Point taken," Crowley let out a laugh. "What is it to you?"

"The real thing," Ezra whispered and wailed voicelessly. 

They stayed joined, catching their breath. Neither dared to move. 

"I think I want you to smoke, love. You're in pain," Ezra said into Crowley's wrist.

"Oh fuck… you can hear my pulse."

"Yes. Can you hear mine?" 

"I always hear yours, angel. It's like some… like some inner rhythm. I might be in possession of two circadian rhythms. Don't want to let go and get up."

"Please. For me."

Crowley sighed admitting his defeat, pulled out carefully, got up and sauntered across the room to fetch his smoking kit. Having rolled a cigarette, he walked to the bathroom to bring a wet towel for Ezra. 

"So," Crowley dropped back into bed. The tip of the cigarette lit in the dark, Crowley breathed out loudly. 

"So, my dear?" Ezra reminded. He propped up on an elbow and ran his fingers through Crowley's hair.

"Should we sleep? I don't want to… but we must, right?"

"I'm not your doctor, Dr Crowley, so we can just lie together."

"Do you want to go for a drive? We could go to the dunes near Neot Smadar."

"That's lovely, my dear boy, but is your car up to the challenge?"

"Don't you insult my Bentley, Dr Fell!"

"Wouldn't dream of it, but it might be awkward to be stranded in the desert at night. Should we take something to eat?"

  
  


First they drove to Crowley's house for frozen berries and some fruit. The night was cool, the air, heavy with a promise of rain - November was but a few days away. Crowley packed everything into a termobag, sticking in a couple of bottles of cold water. He considered something for a moment and took a blanket as well. 

During the 20 minutes they drove to the dunes, Ezra's hand rested on Crowley's knee. 

"Should we get out?" Ezra asked when Crowley stopped the car. The dunes and the sky seemed one endless space of primordial darkness, with the stars signifying where the boarders between the Earth and the sky lay.

"No, want to stay here, with you." Crowley looked out of the window. 

Ezra felt his heart getting heavy, but in a sweet, tugging way, and he didn't think he had any right to refuse this yearning, so he leaned towards Crowley and kissed his jaw, up his temple, into the soft red hair, then down across Crowley's cheek and finally touched his lips.

In a flurry of long limbs and chaotic movements, Crowley climbed into the backseat. "Come, angel, come here," he called. 

Ezra considered doing the climb, but opted for exiting the car and getting back in next to Crowley. 

"Alright… I really didn't want to get out," Crowley admitted with a smile that could be felt more than seen. Ezra straddled him, sliding his hands under Crowley's soft, worn henley. Crowley mirrored his movements and slowly pushed his hands up Ezra's back, under his shirt. "Kiss me, angel. Bless me with a kiss."

Ezra kissed him, softly and gingerly at first, until he remembered he could really kiss that strange, otherworldly man underneath him, so he pressed harder, breaking the kiss only to pull Crowley's shirt off. Crowley began unbuttoning Ezra's shirt and once he was finished, he pushed it down Ezra's shoulders.

"I know you can't say it yet… but I love you and it feels so right to feel you close," Crowley confessed, as Ezra moved to kiss his neck. 

"Yes… yes… same." Ezra hastily opened Crowley's pants to take a hold of the younger man's cock. 

"And I love you," Crowley repeated, laying his head on Ezra's shoulder. 

Ezra stroke him slowly. "My darling boy… my sweet darling boy… look at me."

Crowley leaned back, so that Ezra could try to make out his sharp face in the dark. 

"What is it to you?" Ezra whispered.

"The real thing," Crowley replied with such surety and determination, Ezra couldn't help kissing him again, either to avoid that shining honesty or to get closer to it.

Crowley gently pushed Ezra off his lap so that they sat hip to hip, so that Crowley could caress him too. 

Words rarely failed Ezra, but they definitely abandoned him now, yet Crowley seemed unperturbed. He moaned quietly, pushed his hips into Ezra's hand until it was too much and he came over Ezra's fingers. 

Perhaps it was the aftershocks, perhaps he just was too much in love, Ezra couldn't tell. Crowley was between his legs the next moment, his mouth warm and wet and tender on Ezra's cock.

"Darling… darling… I won't be able to come again… dearest."

Crowley pulled off. "I'm not doing it to make you come. I mean, that would be lovely… do you like it?"

"I love… it."

"Then… should I continue?"

"By all means."

They watched the sunrise cuddled together on the backseat, Ezra holding sleeping Crowley and whispering into his hair what he couldn't say to him when the younger man was awake.


	6. Six I know

"Sun is watching over you," Ezra thought, looking at Crowley making their breakfast. He was still sleepy, barely holding himself upright, his pyjamas, once presumably black, worn to dull grey. There was a hole down the seam of his shirt, so Ezra could see a glimpse of his pale skin.

And the sun was watching over him, setting him alight, while Crowley remained completely oblivious to it. He must have sensed Ezra's gaze, because he turned his head and smiled like he had just noticed him sitting there. "Should I make you tea, angel?" Crowley asked, voice and eyes softer than the old worn cotton on him. 

"I love you, Crowley," Ezra replied. His mouth was dry, and all his fifty something years yelled inside his head that he was going too fast, that the younger man smiling at him was definitely moving too fast, but all those fifty years belonged somewhere far, maybe down in the valley, maybe in Jerusalem, maybe even in London, while Ezra stopped counting days and remembered the calendar only at work. 

"I love you too, angel," Crowley said. "I love you so much, Dr Ezra Fell. Your usual, with milk and a ton of sugar?"

Ezra felt himself swelling with pride and tenderness and the sun watched over him as well. 

"Yes, if you please, my dear."

Crowley nodded, such a boyish movement of his fiery head. Ezra heard and watched him clutter with the kettle and cups. He took the milk out. He stretched up to reach for the upper shelf where he kept Ezra's favourite tea from Ezra, so that they didn't have to drive to Eilat every other day to buy more. It was frankly ridiculous, just as the fact that Crowley simply saw him. 

"If I am Isaiah, then you're my most glorious vision, angel," Crowley announced, placing their cups on the table. "Niv makes pule cheese. Did you know? I guess having a couple of goats helps, although I've never seen those goats… what if it's pure pule cheese?" Crowley made a face of utter terror. He fetched the plate with laffa bread and another, with a generous chunk of pule cheese. "Shall we try it? Rabbi Google, in the name of some anonymous foodies, says it tastes like manchego, and I thought I'd let you decide."

"I love you."

"Love you too." Crowley cut the cheese and brought a slice to Ezra's lips.

"It's… definitely reminds me of manchego, although it's more due to the fact that you mentioned it. What are your plans for today?"

"Work as usual. Did I tell you that Sid the turtle is doing really well? Perhaps Dagon was just too excited and she swallowed something else… it can be really deadly, you know, with coins. Peach the octopus loves the Rubik's cube I brought her. Hastur called the eel David Bowie, and David Bowie is alright too. I have a feeling I've been telling you the same stuff for days now… Oh, I didn't tell you about that dolphin. The guys from the Reef found him yesterday, stranded. It's very difficult to rescue a stranded dolphin, they are disoriented and can't just be pushed back into water. Hastur and Anathema brought him in and so far he's alright. Not a local, mind you."

"How do you know?"

"Well, it's a different dolphin… and I know my dolphins. I mean they aren't mine, but I kinda know them… happens when you clean their blowholes… perhaps wouldn't recognise their faces, but blowholes, totally."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Should I drive us to the clinic and pick you up in the evening?"

"I'm finishing early, at two."

"Oh, so it's a Tuesday." Crowley blew at his tea. 

"It's still too hot for you, darling. Give it some time. You're not eating." 

Crowley slowly raised his eyes and looked at Ezra. "I can't stand how beautiful you are. It's ruining me. All soft and round and so gentle, you could be a deer."

"If you're referring to that vicious animal that stole our apples from the terrace…"

"It really was our fault, angel. We tempted it. Dinner at mine?"

Crowley's house looked to the East, so they tended to eat their dinner there and move to Ezra's place for dessert. Ezra thought they just had to have another terrace built at either of their places. They really needed to just move in together. The thought scared him, mostly by how natural and yet unexpected it was.

"Of course. East of the sun and West of the moon, good doctor. I should have a smoke, right?"

"I'd love it if you did. I'll keep calling you every three hours to remind you."

"Last I checked I had to call you to remind you to call me." Crowley laughed. 

"We've been doing it for… I don't know. There's no time with you. I'll get home by bus and make us dinner. I'll wait for you."

  
  


Ezra was supposed to be done at two but per usual finished an hour and a half later. He stepped out of his office and sighed, seeing that all the nurses have left. His colleague across the hall was locking her office and gave Ezra a look of exasperated affection. Ezra rolled his eyes as if to say that he couldn't help listening to everyone who came in far longer than perhaps was necessary, according to the protocol, but screw the protocol. His last patient was still sitting by the door cradling a bowl with a goldfish in it. 

"Gabriel?" Ezra called. Gabriel snapped back into the real world.

"Dr Crowley isn't coming to pick you up?" Gabriel almost begged. He was a tall broad-shouldered man, a regional vet. A hopelessly bad doctor, he got to his current position by being handsome and charismatic. Ezra hadn't suspected how abysmally talentless he was until Crowley spent an evening performing a C-section on a cow. Another vet couldn't be called, because another vet would see how bad things were, and Crowley would just grump and say he could barely remember a thing, but in the end Crowley wanted to help any animal he could, so he always accepted the challenge. Watching Gabriel bite his nails and pale to the point of being about to faint as Crowley scolded the anesthesised cow for her inability to swim and cut across her belly, Ezra rather cynically thanked the Lord that Gabriel had opted for the veterinary medicine.

"So, is he coming? I heard… I mean… I don't mean. But you're neighbours, right?"

Some part of Ezra's mind wanted to be undignified and yell that Dr Crowley was Dr Fell's beloved husband, but that part was hissed at by Ezra's tired fifty something years before Ezra could pale to the point of being about to faint himself. 

"Did you call him?"

"I didn't. He saved me a cow and career the other day, so…"

"So you hoped to ambush him?" Ezra didn't have enough energy to be angry with himself. His hours were over, he was just an exhausted man who wanted nothing more than to get back home, make dinner for his… wrestling angel and cuddle with said wrestling angel and a glass of red. He didn't want to think about anything else in front of Gabriel. Crowley had told Ezra that _you're glowing when you want me, angel._

Ezra suspected he glowed all the time, but he wouldn't let it be known.

"Is it about a cow?"

"No, it's about Franny!" Gabriel wailed and nodded at the fish.

"Oh dear. Is she in mortal danger?"

"I'm not sure it's a she," admitted Gabriel.

"My dear fellow, are you sure you're a vet?" 

"I am! Not all of us went to Hiroshima, ok? Not all of us were courted by each department while being engaged into a lively discussion with a bloody snail!"

Ezra chuckled. His heart behaved like a naughty child, tugging and pulling and calling out. He called Crowley. 

"Darling? Gabriel is here… no, my love, he's not at ours, but he has Franny with him… alright. Alright, I'll tell him… oh, that would be lovely, but aren't you tired?.. Of course I'll make a reservation. See you soon, my sweet…" 

Gabriel gaped. It was far less fetching than a pile of pure pule cheese. 

"Alright," Ezra began, "you're to drive me to Eilat. Crowley will look at your fish. I hope you drive well."

  
  


Gabriel did drive well, and was kind enough to talk exclusively about Franny, and how he loved her, and how she was the light of his days, and how happy she was to see him. Then Gabriel sniffled.

"I can't lose her. I can't."

"Oh, but you won't. I'm sure Dr Crowley will fix it… her."

  
  
  


Crowley and Anathema played mancala when Gabriel rushed into Crowley's office, startling the doctor into dropping all his stones. 

Anathema rose to her feet and pointed at Gabriel.

"He's not treating another cow, you silly cow!" She threatened. 

"Exactly my point, dear girl." Ezra kissed Anathema on the cheek, and Crowley, on the lips. 

"Give me the fucking fish!" Crowley demanded, although his arms were full of Dr Fell. Anathema calmly took the fish from Gabriel. 

"Female, I guess… ew, it spawned in my face!" Anathema put the bowl down. "There's a red growth next to her left pectoral fin. Looks like a cauliflower." 

"Your opinion, Device?" Crowley leaned over the bowl and looked at Franny. "Hi. He's a dick, I know."

Gabriel wiped his eyes. "Is she dying?" He asked.

"Device, your opinion?" Crowley reminded. 

"Looks like cancer," Anathema shrugged. 

"Good, Device, but also… forgetting something. Before any conclusions."

"Ok, I'll do her biopsy, but I'm not calling the radiology guy again. We just had him X-ray Stanley."

"Sid," Crowley corrected. "He'd love to MRI a goldfish!"

"Why do you need to MRI Franny?" Gabriel asked. Crowley, Anathema and Ezra looked at him with disdain.

"To check whether there are any other growths," Ezra said finally. 

"But first, biopsy! Device, you're on it. Gabriel, once the sample is taken, you and Franny can go. I'll call you… hm… it looks like what Golden Years had…"

"Well, then it's bad." Anathema said, inconsiderately. Gabriel sobbed.

"Oh come on, Golden Years is fine. I mean, for a male goldfish of his age… Biopsy, Device, biopsy!"

Gabriel was sobbing and couldn't hear a thing. Ezra sat next to him and offered all the comfort he could muster while Crowley and Anathema took the biopsy.

"Gabriel, come back when I call," Crowley thrust the bowl at Gabriel. "I'm having dinner at a nice place, good evening."

Anathema nodded sagely and set out to work on the sample. Gabriel, forlorn and crestfallen, walked out.

"The man brings too much noise, but he did bring you to me, for once." Crowley took Ezra's hand and pulled him along towards the exit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note: I screwed up a bit, so some clarifications are necessary. Sid the turtle is a turtle, not a tortoise, although there are tortoises in the Eilat Underwater Observatory. Since she was suspected to have swallowed a coin, ofc no one MRI-ed her, she was x-rayed, but Franny might get her MRI.


	7. Seven I know

The restaurant was strangely named  _ Academia.  _ It was but a few metres away from the Egyptian border and had a lovely terrace overlooking the gulf and Aqaba. 

Two doctors sat on a low bench, nothing but a sea of darkness and across it, a city of so many lights, and the muezzin's call flew across the water, so much conviction and longing in the sound. The older doctor's head rested on the younger doctor's shoulder, said younger doctor sprawling over the seat, while the older one still tried to at least appear prim, but was slowly giving up on it, which was helped by the younger doctor's hand drawing circles on the older doctor's shoulder. He was cradling the younger doctor's unoccupied hand in his, rubbing paper thin, gentle fingers, to the younger man's quiet, purring delight.

The table in front of them had been cleaned and the leftovers were packed neatly. They were still enjoying their ice cold water with lime and melting smoothies.

Crowley turned his head slightly to whisper something melodious into Ezra's hair.

"What is it, darling?" Ezra asked, lazily lifting his head to look up at the other man.

"Such conflicting questions rise around in my brain. Should I order cyanide or order champagne?" Crowley crooned again. He smiled down at Ezra, raffled his hair and pressed Ezra's head back to his shoulder.

"Singing Cole Porter to me, my love, when we're so far from home… Cruel of you."

"We're not that far, angel. Not that far. I'm at home right now. Would be at home anywhere where you are."

"Don't be such a sweet and hopeless romantic, dear boy. I'll fall even deeper."

"I'm there to catch you. Should we ask for the check? I'll drive you home, angel, and we'll sleep together, in your soft bed, you, in my bony arms, me, in your strong and beautiful ones… Does it sound tempting?"

"Temptation accomplished, love."

  
  


On their drive home, Ezra didn't let go of Crowley's knee. They were quite close to Shacharut when Ezra sighed and asked:

"Darling, where have you been my entire life?"

"Well, for the first 12 years I wasn't born. My bad. Sorry."

"It's alright. I'm just catching up on how much I missed you before we met."

"Yes, me too." Crowley covered Ezra's hand on his knee with his. 

"My place?"

"Yes. Please."

  
  


They showered together, slowly and well past the point of warm and pleasant water. Everything felt slow and beautifully so, with slow kisses and careful, barely there touches. 

Afterwards Ezra wanted tea and Crowley drove to his house to fetch a change of clothes. When he returned, Ezra put his cup on the counter with a determined clunk.

"Darling, just move in with me. It's getting ridiculous…"

"Angel, but we can't have dinner at your place. Too much sun." Crowley smiled, coy but so impeccably tender, Ezra couldn't help kissing him. 

"We'll buy very heavy curtains. We'll invest in very effective screens for the terrace, so that no deer steals our apples and no watchful sun hurts your eyes."

"I could build us a terrace on the front," Crowley offered, pulling Ezra's shirt off of him. 

"Yes, dearest, do that. I'm sure Yuval will be glad to do it for you."

"No, no, no, if it's our house, then I'm doing  _ everything _ here."

"Of course you are, love. Of course you are… Just don't build anything on Shabbat. Your mother is a rabbi after all."

Crowley laughed into Ezra's mouth, so tingly, so intoxicating, so close. He pushed Ezra down on the bed, lay over him, one hand on his hip, the other - under Ezra's head. 

They kissed, but instead of worrying, stirring heat, there was soft slowness, and even when Ezra pressed his palms into the small of Crowley's back to bring them yet closer, the time kept slowing down, slower and slower with each kiss. 

"You're sweating, my love. Should I turn..?"

"No, not now, angel. Love it when I'm sweaty with you."

"Me too," Ezra replied, begging. "Don't leave me alone again for 12 years."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Open me."

"Don't need to dream of it."

There was Crowley's hand between them now, but the slow kisses continued and went on when Crowley slid inside with a soft grunt. 

The night was particularly loud. Someone was celebrating a birthday, the crickets seemed to be just as drunk and excited. Crowley rocked and rolled his hips, his arms slithered under Ezra's knees to push his legs higher, but he never left Ezra's mouth for more than a breath. 

"We could slow down time, couldn't we, angel?"

"Yes, please, darling. I think I'm beginning to hate mornings."

"Oh, but you defeated me, Israel, and I'll never leave you, light or darkness."

"Marry me, Crowley."

"I am, angel, I am. Every time."

"That's very old-fashioned of you, darling… dearest."

"Shut up, angel, I'm working very hard not to breathe, so that I can never stop kissing you."

"Thank you. I'm silent…"

"No, don't be silent, just… no use for words now… we were here before language, I've loved you as a cell, and I love you as 30 trillion cells. I loved you when you ruled the ocean and when you crawled out of it… I followed you there. Followed you everywhere, to catch up… 12 years or 12 million years. Never stopped, and not going to."

Crowley plunged in deeper, and Ezra was so lost to their nearness he didn't notice he came and realised it only when the pleasure turned into the pain of oversensitivity. 

To make up for his perceived carelessness he laved and lapped at Ezra's hole, until he came again.

In the morning Ezra was about to believe that he had dreamed everything, because Crowley wasn't with him. Ezra found him in the living room, piling up boxes. 

"Sorry… I woke up early and brought most of my things."

"Darling…"

"You weren't serious, were you?"

"I was. I love you. Live with me. Thank you… but… please don't do so much alone. I could have helped."

"Could you make me eggs like you do?" Crowley asked shyly.

"Could do it every day. Let me do it everyday."

  
  


They took a few days off, all of which they intended to spend in IKEA. Ezra discovered that Crowley could never have enough of funny cushions, and Crowley saw that even IKEA couldn't break down Ezra's focus. 

They took Ezra's car, so Crowley was in the passenger seat, eyes on Ezra and his hand either on Ezra's knee or massaging his stiff neck. Shitty coffee from a McDonald's near Masada tasted like the best drink to touch Ezra's lips, and the manuals that came with every little thing they bought, turned out to be full of the most epic poetry.

By the end of their short holiday the first rain arrived. Crowley and Ezra watched it from their kitchen windows before lowering the shades and retiring to the bedroom to spend the remnants of the day there.

"See, love, now we can be in charge of primordial darkness."

The rain rustled agreeably, the wind was polite and careful, Crowley's lips were slow and soft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Academia is a real place. It's great!


	8. Eight I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fluffy ending to a fluffy story

The morning rustling was Crowley's favourite. Sheets, sighs, snores, the sounds of the neighbours getting on with their day, the kids arguing or laughing or both, the cars being started, the bikes rustling over the sand and stones to the bus stop. 

Ezra snuggled closer, grabbing Crowley over the waist and pulling him flush against his belly.

"Morning, angel," Crowley greeted looking at the sun rays finding their mischievous way through the shades and curtains despite Ezra's best efforts to avoid it. 

"Morning, my love, my sweet darling, my dear boy." 

Crowley giggled. 

There were tender, soft and careful kisses scattered across Crowley's neck and shoulders, and he moaned, honey long, breathless. Ezra pressed himself yet closer, bit Crowley's shoulder and caressed his stomach - and a phone buzzed. 

"Don't answer," asked Crowley.

"I won't," Ezra replied. His kisses transformed into open-mouthed and sloppy and full staggering-for-breathe groans. 

"It's mine," Crowley guessed. 

"Indeed. So would you be my sweet darling and ignore this call?"

"Hm…" Crowley hummed, rather naughtily. "What's in it for me?"

"My soft and clever hands, as you like to put it."

"Oh angel, I'm definitely ignoring this call."

"I'm still quite available after last night," Ezra tempted.

"Oh no, you'll have to run around the clinic all day long without a moment of relaxation."

"Oh darling, you're so considerate."

"I'm not…"

The rest of the conversation mostly happened between gasps and moans and shameless giggles.

"We are happy and stupid and isn't it the best?" Said Ezra dreamily over breakfast. He was eating standing up and Crowley didn't make a single comment.

  
  


The call was of course from Gabriel, since it was the second day of Franny's chemotherapy. She had definitely had cancer, and Gabriel broke down so badly that Crowley ended up taking care of a difficult calving in sight of the dairy manager and her number two. They quietly decided to write a letter of complaint to appropriate institutions about Gabriel, but only after Franny's recovery. Maybe not everyone in the region knew Gabriel, but Franny had become rather famous, mostly as a valid excuse for Gabriel's particularly catastrophic job performances as of late. 

He had insisted on stuffing a freemartin with hormones to induce ovulation, which led to a very excited heifer who, after in examination by the inseminator, turned out to have no uterus, and while a freemartin could be legitimately missed because her male twin must have been aborted at an earlier stage, the fact that Gabriel managed to overlook the absence of uterus was so stunning that during a regional conference for dairy managers, each and every one of them sighed heavily at the mention of Gabriel.

He had built a very complex and ultimately absolutely useless system of IVs to save a sick cow. The dairy manager there cried through the night as the cow kept suffering and cursed everything in his life and career because he had no right to put the cow down. When he finally snapped and demanded Gabriel to come immediately at two in the morning, he used his sufficient body weight and fearsome physique to snatch the drug from Gabriel's trembling hands saying "That he wasn't going to have a dead vet next to a suffering cow who unlike Gabriel had had a long and meaningful life" which as it happened, included kicking said dairy manager in the ribs when the cow was young and feisty and landing the man in the hospital where he wheezed through a few broken ribs that the cow was awesome. 

Next, Gabriel gave a subcutaneous infusion to a calf that needed an intravenous infusion. The calf survived because a young girl in charge of the nursery spat at the place where Gabriel had just been standing, pulled out all the needles and gave the calf an intravenous infusion herself. When her boss asked where she had obtained the necessary equipment, the girl gave the boss a look of disdain and quiet heroism. 

Ezra learned about it all while treating one of the dairy managers for a case of a nervous breakdown. That was the manager who had to put down his favourite cow himself. The man was sobbing and cursing the day Gabriel had been born. 

Crowley learned about it from Ezra. 

The next thing the regional dairy managers knew was a furious marine vet storming down on their kibbutzim without any right whatsoever to do so, driving Gabriel's vet car with all the supplies inside. He was greeted like a messiah, and everyone agreed that at the wee hours of the morning no one was awake enough to tell Gabriel (big, muscular, broad-shouldered, square-jawed) from Crowley (skinny, sauntering, elegant, cheekbones to cut through paper or, alternatively, to give anyone daring to touch them a paper cut). That morning everyone got the vet visit of their dreams and some cow medicines that weren't supposed to be kept at a dairy in the first place.

No one complained about Crowley stating through his teeth that cows weren't aquatic. At such an early hour a couple of managers allowed themselves to daydream about aquatic cows. Crowley switched from whining to praising the sea cows, for which he was deservedly kicked by a land cow. 

Ezra that evening, undressing Crowley, gasped and fell to his knees when he saw a bruise in all shades of purple, lilac and violet, shaped like a hoof, adorning Crowley's inner thigh. The next morning when they were giving Noam a lift to preschool, since Nataly was sick, the girl asked Ezra what superpower he'd like to have, to which Ezra quickly replied that he'd  _ love  _ to be able to burn people with his eyes, but on second thought, x-ray vision.

All that transpired before the surgery that Franny survived like a good fish she was. Gabriel was worried sick about the chemotherapy and really needed a word with Crowley about it. Crowley had done a few more vet visits for Gabriel by that point, and one day fell asleep in the turtle pool, and when Anathema tried to wake him up, the turtles chased her away and protected the good doctor like their own hatchling. One turtle snuggled Crowley through the morning. 

Franny recovered well and went home to balloons and flowers and the cutest welcoming poster that Noam had made for her. 

Ezra took Crowley to Hai Bar as a treat and pretended to not be scared shitless when ostriches tried to knock on their windows. 

"They just want AC, angel," Crowley cooed to Ezra. "Aren't you the cutest, ugliest bird ever?" He cooed to a particularly stubborn ostrich. 

In hindsight, it was the best day of Ezra's life, because Crowley laughed happily and made him the most delicious dinner and they fell asleep together and in each other's arms. "Dayenu," Ezra whispered into Crowley's hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dayenu means "it would have been enough for us" and is a lovely, lovely, lovely song we sing during Passover. Its meaning is basically that even if each act of redemption and deliverance form the Almighty had been the last, it would have been enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for being here. Comments, kudos and so forth are very welcome.


End file.
